1001 one-liners overheard by the regulars downing ale at the local tav Cause its classy...
#31
Posted 25 March 2007 - 06:29 AM
113) "And the moral of the story: When someone asks you if you're a god you say 'Yes.'"
114) "... now given a choice like that, wouldn't you say cake?"
115) "And then he asks 'What flavor?'"
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#32
Posted 28 March 2007 - 12:55 PM
117) 'avin' some moistened tart lob a scimitar at you is no way to establish a form of government!
118) heard from the bearded kobold in the corner..."Some mates y'all are, ya copper-pinchin' buggers! It'd only cost four thousand more ta have me raised! A kobold fer Moradin's sake! Stupid druids!"
#33
Posted 11 April 2007 - 03:19 PM
125) "As dangerous as those Beholders are... it makes you wonder what they be-holdin'"
126) "Have you ever tried to catch a squirrel before? man... it's hard... they run like... a thousand miles an hour... and the have like sharp... fangs and claws... and I've seen 'em tear a dog to shreds...."
127) "So I called the Druid a tree huggin' hippy and told him to bugger off... and then the next thing I know I am surrounded by the blighters and they're pointing arrows at me..."
128) "If you get turned into frog, you'll only have yourself to blame..."
(I increased the post count becase we have a redundancy at 61-66)
W00t! I'm a storyteller!
#34
Posted 16 April 2007 - 01:03 AM
130) "That really hurt. I mean, who throws a shoe? Honestly?"
131) ".... so we learned the hard way: never threaten someone who can talk to dragons."
132) "See, none of us actually thought we'd get that far. So we didn't plan any further than that."
133) "Then the bard next to me says: 'I'm sure divine intervention will save us.' Next thing we hear is that annoying psuedo-dragon sayin, 'Come look what I found.' Hallelujah."
134) "And that's where our new god came from."
Read the Religion Netbook!
And my completed story: Lawman
#35
Posted 09 June 2007 - 05:19 PM
136) "So, 'Destroy the world first out of spite' has moved up to plan B, then?"
137) "I mean really, how drunk would the dragon have to be? I don't think there's that much booze in the world."
138) "...'til the handle breaks off and you have to get a cleric to get it out again."
139) "Yer dad's a pirate, eh? Well, me mum says he's late payin' his tribute again."
140) "I swear, that kobold was on fire when I found him. Stop looking at me like that."
141) "... so he says to the dragon, 'Well, you don't have to bite my head off!'"
#36
Posted 11 June 2007 - 05:16 PM
143) "Never once did I ever think I'd hear an orc say something like 'he touched me inappropriately'."
144) "Ahhh... Dammad! I bih mah tung!"
145) "This wine was made by driven slaves in the wastes to the far west, and transported across the Cursed Sea of Garfasalm. Most of the sailors died during the expedition. *Glug* You can really taste the death. It brings out the flavor."
146) "I defy the fourth wall! All of you on the forums shall fear me!"
This post has been edited by JosephBlackly: 11 June 2007 - 05:17 PM
My WIP Wiki and DeviantART pages...
Butt-Kicker/Storyteller 83%, Method Actor/Tactician 75%, Specialist 58%, Power Gamer 42%, Casual Gamer 33%
#37
Posted 06 July 2007 - 08:56 PM
148) ".... And then she said, 'And you thought I wouldn't need the crowbar.'"
149) ".... but what I can't figure out is how they got that way. Any more than how we did...."
150) "So was it worth it? Hells yes!"
151) "He doesn't like you. I don't like you either. You just watch yourself, we're wanted men."
152) "Look, I've seen that show, too. You can stop quoting."
153) "I learned my lesson after that. No more elaborate death traps."
Read the Religion Netbook!
And my completed story: Lawman
#38
Posted 07 July 2007 - 07:52 PM
Method Actor 83% Storyteller 83% Butt-Kicker 75% Power Gamer 67% Specialist 67% Tactician 58% Casual Gamer 25%
Elyria Campaign Setting
`\ o _,
...)
.< .\.
#39
Posted 03 August 2007 - 08:33 PM
156) So finally I had the zombie hoard right where I wanted them: surrounded from the inside!
157) Fortunately zombies are highly flammable, and I realized the pub had liquor strong enough to make Molotov Cocktails.
158) So there we were in a prison cell, nigh unescapable. With only some string, a bit of wire, and half a matchstick handy....
159) Why they changed it I can't say. People just liked it better that way.
Read the Religion Netbook!
And my completed story: Lawman
#40
Posted 08 August 2007 - 06:57 PM
161) "You didn't!"
162) "Ok, through the gap in the arm of three men drinking, off the bell, and right into the bullseye on that dartboard."
163) "I think she's checking you out. Go on, talk to her."
164) "That's your mom."
165) "The captain? Of the city guards? In the middle of the square? Just like that?"
166) "It was awesome, we had a bard draw pictures so we could flip animate it. Want to see?"
167) "A kobold and a human? How does that fit? Don't kobolds come from eggs?"
----------------------------
Writing/DND Website: http://www.shawngray.ca
Carleton University English Literature Society Website: http://www.carleton.ca/els
#41
Posted 08 August 2007 - 09:39 PM
Method Actor 83% Storyteller 83% Butt-Kicker 75% Power Gamer 67% Specialist 67% Tactician 58% Casual Gamer 25%
Elyria Campaign Setting
`\ o _,
...)
.< .\.
#42
Posted 09 August 2007 - 01:08 PM
170) So why did I turn it into an ogre? Sword of Ogre Decapitation baby.
171) I swear, I got a pencil lodged in my brain.
172) So the bad guy said he was going to destroy all worlds. Now I tried to point out the flaw in that plan, but he wouldn't listen.
Read the Religion Netbook!
And my completed story: Lawman
#43
Posted 11 September 2007 - 05:23 AM
Method Actor 83% Storyteller 83% Butt-Kicker 75% Power Gamer 67% Specialist 67% Tactician 58% Casual Gamer 25%
Elyria Campaign Setting
`\ o _,
...)
.< .\.
#45
Posted 12 September 2007 - 12:49 AM
177) "Most people don't know this, but ogres have extremely weak cross-punches. What you've got to watch out for is their hooks, nasty."
178) "...that's how I got that scar. But this one here, still haven't figured that one out."
179) "Yep, that's the Kid. He's had that nickname for a while."
180) "The words are: 'We'll drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and fight!'
181) "...and if you get to the third verse without collapsing or being interrupted by a sudden fight, there's a serious problem."
Read the Religion Netbook!
And my completed story: Lawman

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